25 February

you are no longer a part of me
a distant, cycled away memory
past fire scars, echidnas - spread eagle on the road
through marriages on stretches of warrnambool community lawn
circle sitting, around we'd go, my feelings shared
sometimes easily sometimes still closed
parrot. rosella. red and blue. dead. distorted.
most of its head hidden from my view.
blackberries. plums. apricots.
breaks from biking. rarely by myself.
echos on the telephone. to someone i miss so much more than you.
comparisons. come from hurt.
some sense of inadequacy.
the way you just left.
so few threads remaining. holding me to you.
it's in the exhaustion. the snaps bringing me back to sarah, body held memories of my childhood.
i look at the sun. red.
orange blinding. setting.
just to find you.
lies. telling them all the time.
moods. fluctuations in feeling. tell me, what do you want to call them?
you want me to explain them.
refuse to let me wait, feel them, pass through them
okay. so completely okay.
laughing circles. racing games.
we lined up, in order of how excited we were to be here.
here ticks away, kilometer by kilometer, to there.
second in line.
i'd still stand there.
holding my hands together.
parrots flying by
away from me.
not yet dead.